


Missed you

by superkitten



Category: The Bold Type
Genre: F/F, Mentor/Protégé, Pining, s02e06: The Domino Effect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-12
Packaged: 2019-06-09 03:32:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15258495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superkitten/pseuds/superkitten
Summary: The thing is, being around Jacqueline was exciting. Exciting in a way that even the deepest sense of respect and admiration for another human being simply didn't justify.





	Missed you

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if this is completely awful but I just had a lot of feelings after last night's episode.
> 
> All mistakes are my own.

What Jane failed to tell Ben that night on her stoop, because she was simply not ready to open _that_ can of worms, was that, as proud and excited as she was about being nominated for an award for her article, she was also left feeling quite... bereft. The deep void and acute sense of loss she felt being away from Scarlet Magazine, nearly crippling sensations she had managed to successfully push down thus far by replacing them with a healthy sense of fear for her career and general future, had managed to rear their ugly heads. In her defense, she did articulate she felt "rejected", but Jane knew Ben had no clue as to how deeply she felt that word, and how could he, in the context of a boss/employee relationship? Which, if she was being really honest with herself, is the only reason why she had admitted that to him in the first place.

What she also failed to articulate (and surely this was the most problematic bit, the one that would inevitably put an expiration date on what they had going on) is that being thrust into Jacqueline's orbit all of a sudden after trying so hard to forget the woman and move on felt... _intoxicating_. Intoxicating in a way she never felt when she was with Pinstripe (newly found orgasms notwithstanding) or even Ben himself.

_Sweet, supportive, handsome Ben_.

The thing is, being around Jacqueline was exciting. Exciting in a way that even the deepest sense of respect and admiration for another human being simply didn't justify. Sure, Jacqueline Carlyle was accomplished and successful in a way Jane could only hope to be someday. But so were other talented writers and movers and shakers from the publishing world Jane has met and worked with. And none of them gave her a case of the butterflies with a single look, or made her rejoice when they gave her a comforting or approving smile. None of them made her feel easier whenever she heard their voice, or ( _and, ok, this is where it really got tricky_ ) wonder what they would be wearing to work the next day. If one of them happened to wear a black blouse that was all transparent panels and strategically placed straps of solid fabric, she doubts it'd make her hot and bothered for the rest of the day.

_(She's pretty confident she wouldn't have... impure thoughts about their choice of footwear, either. But Lord knows a certain pair of strappy red heels managed to infiltrate her dreams a time or two.)_

***

Meeting Jacqueline at the photoshoot made the butterflies Jane's stomach flutter. Seeing her at the awards ceremony, looking better than any woman had the right to look, made them so agitated Jane felt she was going to throw them up, and her first instinct was to turn around and run in the opposite direction. Ben, of all people, made her stay and face the music. As Jane gave her acceptance speech, looking straight into the eyes of the other woman, who looked at her so encouragingly it made Jane's heart sing, and who constantly made her feel both strong and weak at the same time, she knew it was only a matter of time.

***

"We've missed you."

_"I... have missed you."_

***

It wasn't long after that that Jane broke up with Ben, who was obviously sad and disappointed but just as understanding as she knew he would be. Why couldn't she just be content with him? _A million girls would kill for a guy like Ben_ , Sutton had said. But Jane wasn't upset. She was back at Scarlet, with her friends, where she belonged, and it was like there were all these pieces inside herself that were scattered all over and then, all of a sudden, clicked back into place. Jacqueline had told her the Jane she'd seen in the last few days wasn't afraid, and maybe it wasn't fear she had felt, but she definitely didn't feel whole before. The irony was that the older woman thought Jane didn't need her anymore, and that made her think she was ready to come back.

_If only she knew._

***

It was a Scarlet party that marked another shift in their dynamic. The event was her first official Ben-less venture, and not even the free alcohol was enough to make Jane excited about making small talk with boring people in a stuffy room over loud music. She longed for her couch and a glass of wine (or two). The currently unoccupied balcony was the second best option.

"I haven't seen the good doc around tonight", asked Jacqueline as she made her way to Jane, who smelled her incredible perfume before she saw or heard the woman, and did her best to reply in a casual tone. "I didn't bring a date tonight."

As the silence stretched on, Jane added. "And... I have no plans to bring a date in the foreseeable future."

"We're not... together... anymore", she added, unnecessarily.

"Oh", Jacqueline replied, in that airy, slightly higher pitch she used when she was trying to encourage Jane to be forthcoming. When the girl added nothing, she didn't press, and the two just stood side by side for a couple of minutes, in companionable silence.

"I'd better head back inside," she said, touching Jane's arm and smiling at her, as she left.

_Jane's bare arm_.

Goosebumps immediately forming on her skin, Jane took a deep breath and counted to 10 before texting Sutton and Kat in the group chat to tell them she felt a headache coming on and was taking a cab home.

Wine first, then bed. And the next morning she'd get over herself and stop this madness right then and there. She still had to come up with a plan, but one thing was for sure.

_She was getting over Jacqueline Carlyle._


End file.
